What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize