Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
