I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
