I'm really into asian looking animals
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We had to coat check the pizza.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
