when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize