I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
