please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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