the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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