his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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