I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
