Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
