The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
