Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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