i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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