the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
