did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
