yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I miss vodka workout Fridays
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
