I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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