Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
