Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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