We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
