Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Alive.
So much puke
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Who died my cat blue again?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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