He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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