Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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