I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
