I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
