You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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