I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
