ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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