The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
