Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
