I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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