You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
