Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
