I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
