I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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