I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
