I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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