Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
