Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
