I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He felt like a one man threesome
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
