I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
