he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
