If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
