And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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