I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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