WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
