ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
