Sry I called you an 8
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
