How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
