Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
