Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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