So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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