ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize