Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
