I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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