actually, I'm a sock model
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
