just tell him i said nine months
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
