is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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