I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Your cock deserves a montage
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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