I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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