Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize