Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
