i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
