i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize