I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
