The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
